I’m just getting started in this new Substack space. A lot has happened in my life over the past 12 months and it took a lot of energy to work through. But now, I am ready. Well. I think I am.
For starters, in July 2023, I was elected the new pastor of Immanuel UCC, Wright City, MO. The home church of theologian-rockstar brothers Reinhold and Richard Niebuhr.
That just feels surreal.
Several have sent messages asking about my journey for good reasons. Mostly because you care about me and I really do appreciate that. So, here’s the scoop.
I have been a minister in the Church of the Nazarene for 30 years, lived in Wright City, MO, for 13 years, and was an Asc Pastor at Wright City Nazarene for 10 of those years. I hope you could follow all that.
Before Wright City, I co-shared ministry with my husband in Panama City, FL Church of the Nazarene. Everyone I tell asks why in the world would I ever leave there. Right?! We needed to move closer to my husband’s family as caregivers.
Before we pastored in Florida, we served on staff at Overland Park, KS Church of the Nazarene. That was a LONG time ago! I’m old.
Now that you have a little time line.
Now to color in things. This story is complicated and filled with love and pain, but the untamed Holy Spirit has led to this space.
I’ll skip the long-time-ago stuff and start the story with this. When I served at Wright City Nazarene, youth outreach was my bag. What I loved about our youth was their beautiful, messy diversity. We took honest Wesleyan Holiness deep dives on all the hot topics of the day from racism to sexuality, to social media and economy, to their immigration status. I was learning from their personal stories that I needed help digging deeper theologically and practically. I enrolled at Eden Theological Seminary in the doctorate program, where I discovered a well-known Nazarene who graduated from there as well, Dr Millard Reed (MDiv).
I pursued diversity studies beginning in the Fall of 2018. When Covid reared its ugly head in 2020 my husband and I resigned from WC Naz. We plugged into growing ministry opportunities in the local Wright City Community Food Pantry, where my husband is director, and we served as local and area pulpit supply pastors. I pushed to complete my doctorate. Joe became bi-vocational as a para teacher, and we both held multiple side-hustle jobs.
One of my hustles was as an online minister, where the need arose to form support groups for LGBTQ+ who exited holiness denominations and for their family members who remained in holiness denominations. Maybe I can write about that some other time.
Another curve was caring for the vulnerable in our family who could no longer live alone. We regularly check on Joe’s Mom, who lives independently nearby and care for an elderly aunt who lives in our home while we raise our teenagers and young adults. Life is full.
The Holy Spirit has held our messy, unsettled life together. There has been an abundance of love, the bills got paid, we were never hungry, and we had each other. Our children learned rich lessons in loving elderly family members and one another while discovering an overflow of love to share with the world.
Now, the doctorate.
My dissertation researched former ministry students in the Church of the Nazarene who exited the denomination before ordination because they agreed to live by the non-affirming LGBTQ stance, but did not believe in it. The main outcome of my project was for the Church of the Nazarene to remain LGBTQ+ non-affirming and take steps toward better expressions of a non-affirming stance. I suggested unifying her denominational statements and language on the topic and creating low-trauma exits for those who do not agree.
I also worked out an LGBTQ-affirming Wesleyan Holiness stance to show its possibility. The affirming stance I worked out is still conservative in the wider range of LGBTQ and faith stances on the subject, but it is outside the stance of the Church of the Nazarene. In an affirming stance, I allowed the homosexually condemning passages to remain condemning. I then looked across scripture for passages that would emancipate or set free the condemning passages. This same emancipating thing was done for the abolishing of slavery, allowing women to preach, and ordaining of divorced ministers. LGBTQ Christians can be emancipated as well.
A denominational shift.
Throughout my doctorate journey, my husband, Joe, has been my faithful dialogue partner and has remained LGBTQ+ non-affirming. I am very OK with that because our dialogues have been respectful, loving, and helpful. In transparency and peace, Joe joined me as I chose to meet with our District Superintendent and exited the Church of the Nazarene. I stepped through a portal that I could not re-enter, and Joe and I hung onto one another.
I’m not gonna lie. Life was heavy and sad and hard for all of us. Transparency was painful and necessary. Could resurrection raise me from this death inside me? The Church of the Nazarene has been and will always be my spiritual mother, and I wished her no harm. I faced the reality of a useless doctorate, and since I wasn’t a man and now no longer a minister, I also faced tremendous odds to ever fulfill my God-call to ministry.
At this same time, I had previously agreed to be a guest minister for Immanuel UCC, Wright City here in town. Although the UCC denomination is LGBTQ-affirming, the local congregations choose their stance. Immanuel UCC didn’t have a stance. I met in honesty with Immanuel church leaders to bring awareness of my research outcome, and the new reality that I no longer held minister’s credentials. I knew they would need to find another minister for pulpit fill.
The leadership thanked me and told me I wasn’t going anywhere because I was supposed to be their pastor. That was overwhelming, to say the least. It is rare for a church in America to inform a woman they want her to lead them as pastor without convincing her that I am God-called to preach and pastor.
After a month of negotiating a beautiful covenantal contract between pastor and people was formed. I was given a minister’s license and a hearty congregational vote.
I am a pastor.
I am allowed to be my Wesleyan Holiness self as long as I am learning and making room for others’ beliefs with mutual respect. I find this perspective refreshing!
Our family.
Joe and I are amazed and thankful for the Holy Spirit giving us this opportunity to serve together across Wright City, with Joe as the food pantry director and me as Immanuel’s pastor. Our love has grown and deepened. We believed that God’s love was great enough for even this.
By a miracle of God, there is no need to relocate our family, and we are able to continue caregiving. We never imagined this for our future, but the Holy Spirit is wild and free to lead us with complete permission.
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